Bumping up against the unaware

We often bump heads with unaware colleagues. We clash or withdraw from people who, despite success, qualifications, or intelligence, display no insight into how they come across. Recently 99% of people worked with at least one such person, and nearly half worked with at least four. Sadly, occasionally, the offender is me, you, or those closest to us.

If self-awareness is key for relational success, career success, and Christian maturity, how do we address this? Is it possible to help the unaware see themselves more clearly? More pointedly, if as Jesus puts it, we notice the speck in other people's eyes but cannot notice the plank in our own, how do we start with me?

The most helpful tool we use is a checklist that helps people spot when we are being with other people, really connecting with them rather than occupying the same space but in fact alienating them.

Every brain has a "dimmer switch" that burns brighter or dimmer. If this switch is on, we remain present and emotionally connected with those around us and they like the experience. If it is dim or off, we alienate those around us. In England, we use the term "switched off" or "got out of the wrong side of bed" to describe these times.

Success comes as we notice when we are relational and when we are alienating those around us. Success for our families and friends grows as they become more aware too. Once we realize our brain's relational dimmer switch is barely on, we can take steps to restore our relational sweet-spot. As this switches on, we become more relationally aware, more connected with those around us, and enables us to operate from an upgraded version of ourselves!

Next week we look at some resources for training our relational circuits.